So I wasn't actually going to write under this blog again. I figured: "It's a New Year! Let me be positive." Yeah well, it's much easier to have that outlook when you don't have friends who ditch you. Guess who got ditched again? You guessed it... Me. I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised. It was bound to happen again. Just look at the very people I call "friends" and again, I use that term VERY lightly.
We have about one month left of holiday before University starts and I made an effort to invite a few "friends" of mine to an exclusive resort for a week. They all confirmed, so I went ahead and paid. Half of them cancel on me today and the other half are avoiding my calls. The only conclusion I can come to is that I am an asshole. Why else would people treat me like this if I wasn't. If this was the first time something like this happened I could accept it... it isn't. Even my parents are starting to ask questions: "Why do these people keep doing this to you?". Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.Fuck. Worst part is, I have already paid. If I cancel now, I don't get my money back. I suppose I can invite other people... but then I am spending money on people I'm not particularly fond of. I'm just so over everything. I don't even get invited on their little outings. If I see them it is because I made an effort to see them. Why do I keep doing this though? I don't know the answer to that. To not be lonely? What's worse though? Being lonely or having fake friends? If someone could only give me an answer to that? A brilliant day that has ended on a sad note...
Funny how I stumbled on this blog... Just sitting, clicking next blog, next blog. Then "Diary of a lonely girl". With the last post just a few minutes ago and very depressing. Quite a contrast to any other blog I've seen today which usually rambles on about happy families etc. Since you are asking, I just could not resist to answer. What's worse? FAKE FRIENDS. Those little bitches think they can do what ever they please. Fuck them, right?. Wait... Maybe I should reconsider. Being lonely is definitely worse. I mean having no one. No one at all. Fuck. I can't decide. The least I can give you is my empathy. One more thing: Don't waste your money. GO! Fuck the rest.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment. After reading it, I couldn't help but smile. So, thank you for the smile, it is appreciated :).
Deleteyou wrote this post a year ago, i have to ask how did you deal with the situation? an almost identical incident has happened to me this very week, how did you feel after which was better fake friends or loneliness
ReplyDeleteI would love to say I cut them out of my life. I didn't. I suppose we all fear being alone so we put up with the people who bring us down. At the time, I chose fake friends. At least I had people to talk to, people to do things with. However, fast forward a few months and real friends of mine started to comment on what they saw as "People being really bad friends to you." I soon realised that if other people were noticing it, I obviously wasn't over exaggerating what was happening... So, I slowly cut them out of my life. They hurt me time and time again and I just had to do it. Although I think it was the right choice, it doesn't change the fact that we also had many good times together with many laughs. On lonely days I remember these times and feel the urge to pick up my phone and make amends. Why should I though? They hurt me. Countless times. It's not good having negative people in your life.
DeleteTo end off, neither is better. Fake friends hurt you as does loneliness. What I suggest: Make new friends. That's what I've done and it helped a lot. OR, if you aren't ready to give up the friendship yet, speak to them. Tell them how you feel. If they laugh at you, judge you or don't listen to you, that's proof enough that you don't need them in your life. On the other hand, you might manage to sort things out.
If you don't mind me asking, what is your situation? What happened?
Similar deal with booking a holiday with friends before we all leave for uni, going our separate ways and all.. i mentioned about october time its best we book sooner rather than later everyone wanting best deals, cheapest price etc.
ReplyDeleteIt was more difficult because I'm at college and my course doesn't finish till end of july, by which time most of my friends would have already had a month off and don't want to wait around to go on holiday as well as making other plans to go away with family or work on summer camps/ work in summer jobs. and this is when it all began where my friends would just ignore me on the topic every time i brought it up.
First i spoke to my friends sophie and jemima who were both going to be running summer camp together, going away with family, sorting stuff for uni and going away with friends from their school in july.. so they were out of the picture.
then there was my 'friends' clara and gabby who are from manchester, (i live in leeds) had already booked to stay in claras holiday home in south of france in july but still wanted to go away with me in august. so conversation got quiet there quickly.
next was a bigger group of my friends also from manchester and liverpool -rosie, kiera, frankie, laurel, natalie, georgie and michelle, for a few weeks we discussed booking flights and an apartment for 2 weeks in tel aviv, having decided 8 was kinda a big group for a single apartment as well as conflict over which dates people wanted to go we discussed to go in 2 groups one at the beginning of aug and one at the end. i had mentioned i was easy either way as i was free from end of july onwards as i wont be going to uni but i thought going earlier may be slightly cheaper. they took this that i wanted to go earlier.
Having not heard from any of the girls for a week, not even general chitchat, i presumed they were all giving it a break and were going to pick up where they left off after leaving it for a bit. I was wrong, i called rosie asking if we should re-discuss the holiday situation only to find they were bout ready to book the apartment and had already booked flights. all of them without me...
Even the girls who were dead set on going in early august had been included everyone but me. i was overwhelmed upset and fuming feeling so alone because no one wanted me included. when i questioned why they didn't look for a larger space or even attempt to consult me (they asked me to go on holiday with them originally) rosie replied with 'well you might still be able to come but it would be a great inconvenience to have to mess about speaking to the landlord...'
...now i was really pissed off. an 'inconvenience'... on a holiday i was invited on?
needless to say rosie and i got in a huge argument over the whole thing and she was less than polite.
the week before this i was over in manchester anyway for clara's birthday celebrating it with gabby,laurel and claras other bestfriend jessy.
ReplyDeleteIn hope i had managed to keep all my options open I decided to speak to gabby and clara again to check if they would still be able to go away. in that single week they had booked a holiday to the same location for the exact same dates and didn't even once mention it..
i asked who else they were going with and i wasn't surprised to find out they were going with jessy and her friend ella. when they said they had mention me joining there foursome, the reason for excluding me was because ella didn't feel she knew me well enough and so i was cut altogether from their holiday clique.
evidently i felt extremely hurt, last year clara and i had gone travelling doing some volunteering work together and after discussing for the last 6 months about our next holiday together, it was kind of a knife in the back.
returning back to rosie and the crew, rosie apologised four stubborn days later and said they would speak to the landlord...somehow they didn't seem convinced this was going to benefit them in any way..
So as it stands i'm still feeling very unsure now of who my real friends are and what my next actions are too.
Anything you can suggest?
-jodie