What's worse: Being lonely or having fake friends?

So I wasn't actually going to write under this blog again. I figured: "It's a New Year! Let me be positive." Yeah well, it's much easier to have that outlook when you don't have friends who ditch you. Guess who got ditched again? You guessed it... Me. I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised. It was bound to happen again. Just look at the very people I call "friends" and again, I use that term VERY lightly. 

We have about one month left of holiday before University starts and I made an effort to invite a few "friends" of mine to an exclusive resort for a week. They all confirmed, so I went ahead and paid. Half of them cancel on me today and the other half are avoiding my calls. The only conclusion I can come to is that I am an asshole. Why else would people treat me like this if I wasn't. If this was the first time something like this happened I could accept it... it isn't. Even my parents are starting to ask questions: "Why do these people keep doing this to you?". Fuck.Fuck.Fuck.Fuck. Worst part is, I have already paid. If I cancel now, I don't get my money back. I suppose I can invite other people... but then I am spending money on people I'm not particularly fond of. I'm just so over everything. I don't even get invited on their little outings. If I see them it is because I made an effort to see them. Why do I keep doing this though? I don't know the answer to that. To not be lonely? What's worse though? Being lonely or having fake friends? If someone could only give me an answer to that? A brilliant day that has ended on a sad note... 

Love

Sitting at a fairly busy coffee shop one morning, I couldn't help but embrace my natural curiosity and do some people watching. What seemed to be trending: Relationships. Everywhere I looked there were couples making kissy faces, feeding each other or just longingly gazing into their significant other's eyes. It made me think about my life or more specifically: My love life, or lack thereof. I seem unable to maintain a romantic relationship and I've finally realised and acknowledged the reasons for that. For starters, I went to a top, all girls private school. We read novels about charming, good looking, romantic men that would sweep women off their feet, forever treating them like princesses. Not having men around to compare this too, we naievely began to believe that, that was how men were supposed to be. After finally meeting those of the opposite sex, it became painfully obvious that men were not like that at all. Some girls were able to look past this and enter into relationships. I, however, refuse to lower my standards. Why should I not find a charming, good looking, romantic man that will fall hopelessly in love with me and sweep me off my feet?

Besides my education ruining my outlook on love, my personality has also played a part. I am fascinated with the world and love learning about as many topics as possible. I love talking about all that I have learnt, expressing my thoughts and opinions. However, there aren't many men who have as many interests as I do and I find myself getting bored with their plain minds after a few months. How can I be with someone who cannot hold a conversation about art, music, books, politics, philosophy and whatever other topic crosses my mind at the time? 

My friends have often said to me, "You are either going to find the perfect man...or you will live life jumping from one man to another." Naturally I would want the former, although I'm not hopeful. It doesn't seem that I am going to meet a man that meets the standards I have set. Until I do, I will probably remain single, sitting in coffee shops alone and people watching.